Tom
by Lolkat123
Summary: Silverkit knows he's a tom. But his clan isn't exactly making it easy for him. With a mother that refuses to accept him, and most of the clan tormenting him, Silverkit grows with pain and suffering in his heart. But he's absolutely certain he's a tom, even if he's the most beautiful cat in the clan and everyone is telling him otherwise.
1. Prologue

**Yes, this story deals with gender identity. If you have some problem with it, don't read it! Or PM me, if it really makes you upset.**

**But anyways! I've had an idea for this floating around for some time, and I figured, hell, why not?**

**A lot of this story isn't going to happy. There's gonna be some dark stuff in here folks.**

* * *

Silverkit opened his pale blue eyes and parted his jaws in a tiny yawn. His brother, Hawkkit, was curled up beside him. Silverkit poked his brother in the side with a forepaw. "Hawkkit!"

His brother raised his head, blinking. "What is it? I was asleep, Silverkit!"

Silverkit rolled his pale blue eyes. "Its already way past sun-up! The dawn patrol left _ages_ ago. Lets go outside!"

Hawkkit perked his ears. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? I might've missed my opportunity to pester some apprentices!"

Silverkit snorted in amusement. "Alright, then, mouse-brain, lets go!" The slim silver tabby stood and shook out his pelt. Hawkkit rose and stretched, then purred. "I can't believe my little sister always beats me waking up in the morning!"

The silver tabby tom blinked. _Sister? You're wrong!_ "Uh, Hawkkit, I'm not a she-cat. I'm a tom."

His brother tilted his head in confusion. "What? But you- you're sure? I thought you were a she-cat."

Palelight, the kits' mother, looked up from where she had been sleeping. The pale yellow she-cat narrowed her eyes at her kits. "What are you going on about, now?"

Silverkit glanced at his mother. "I was just telling Hawkkit that I'm a tom."

Palelight stared at Silverkit for a moment before bursting out into laughter. "A tom! How ridiculous! Trying to trick your brother, Silverkit? That's a funny joke." She purred in amusement.

The kit blinked. "Um. No. I'm serious, mother. I'm a tom. I don't know why you think I'm making this up."

Palelight narrowed her eyes. "Silverkit, stop this nonsense right this instant. I don't know why you're saying something as silly as you being a tom. You are completely and utterly a she-cat, and you always will be."

"No, _I'm not! _I'm telling you, I'm a_ tom!"_

"Silverkit, I said enough is enough! You're taking this silly game too far!"

Hawkkit finally spoke up. "Silverkit would know if she's a tom! I mean, he. He said he's a tom, so wouldn't he be a tom?"

A tall, broad-shouldered gray tabby tom padded into the nursery. "How are my darling ki- oh, what's wrong?"

Silverkit turned his irritated glare up to his father. "Graywind, mama won't listen to me! She keeps telling me I'm a she-cat, but she's wrong! I'm a tom! Right, father?"

Graywind was silent for a moment, seeming slightly bewildered. "Er... of course, you are, dear." He let out a nervous purr, then glanced at his mate. "How about you two go outside and play? I'm just going to have a chat with your mother." Palelight let out a low growl.

Hawkkit looked between the two mates, then nudged Silverkit. "Yeah, we'd better go. This doesn't look good." He led Silverkit outside the nursery into ThunderClan's camp. Silverkit cast his brother a look of both anger and desperation. "You believe me, right? That I'm a tom?"

His brother let out a small purr and licked his brother's ear. "Of course! I mean, you'd know if you were a tom. I know I'm a tom! So that means you'd have to know if you were a tom! Why would I think you were lying?"

Silverkit let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I just- I don't think Palelight believes me. She's acting all mean about it. I don't get it."

Hawkkit nudged him with his shoulder. "C'mon. Who cares? I believe you, and I'll always be your best friend."

"Always?"

"Always."

* * *

Palelight snarled at her mate in frustration. "Silverkit is _not_ going to be allowed to romp around acting like a tom! It's ridiculous!"

"Look, I don't know why you're so upset about this. Silverkit isn't even a moon old. Maybe Silverkit will change her- or his, or whatever- mind when she gets older. For now, why can't we just indulge her? Its not that much of a big deal, really." Graywind spoke calmly, though he was also extremely confused, he cared enough about his kit to just let Silverkit be a tom.

Palelight, however, was not so accepting of this. "Because, Graywind, Silverkit is a she-cat! Its, its wrong! _She_ can't just decide that she wants to be a tom! If she doesn't want to be a queen she can just be a medicine cat or something!"

Graywind shook his head. "Haven't you seen Silverkit and Hawkkit play? They are both born warriors, always fighting and pretending to hunt. Just let Silverkit-"

"_No!_" She hissed, unsheathing her claws. "I want a perfect son _and_ daughter, not a son and some freak!"

Graywind's eyes sparked. "Silverkit is _not_ a freak!"

"Well, she won't be a tom!"

Graywind narrowed his eyes, hissing. "Do what you want, Palelight. But I will have _two_ sons, while you just push your kits away with your anger." The warrior turned and stormed away, tail lashing.

* * *

**How was the prologue? Next chapter is going to skip ahead to Silverkit's apprentice days.**

**Lolkat123 out~**


	2. Thornslash

**Wow, thanks for all the reviews already! I'm glad so many people like the idea.**

**There's some confusion over Silverkit's birth gender. Silverkit was born a she-cat, in case you were confused ;D**

**FalconstrikeSkC: Really? Wow! I didn't even realize I was making it funny XD! I'm glad you like it so much!**

**A Castle of Glass: Thanks! And yeah, it was a bit short, sorry. I usually unintentionally make the prologues for my stories a bit too short. The actual chapters should end up being longer. And sure, I'll check out your stories! I always like getting recommendations for stories to read while I'm waiting for others to get updated :)**

**Ashheart15: Thanks! Yeah, some people can be jerks about this kinda stuff. I'm prepared to ignore any hate from those kind of people ;)**

**Ergh. I meant to have this posted last night, but the page refreshed or something and I lost half of the chapter ;-;**

**And on to Chapter 1! Hm. Might need to change this to a M rating. I'll leave it for now. Dark stuff, as I warned before.**

* * *

Silverpaw groomed his pelt in a patch of warm sunlight. Life wasn't exactly great for the young apprentice. Very few cats listened when he insisted that he was in fact, a tom. Although, it wasn't doing him any good that he was turning into a beautiful young cat. His silver pelt was soft and sleek, and his eyes were like clear blue pools. His appearance, as well as his feminine voice, suggested that he was a she-cat.

_But I know what I am. Hawkpaw agrees with me. I'm a tom. I am!_

"Is little Silverpaw getting ready for _her_ patrol today?"

Silverpaw raised his gaze to glare at a group of other apprentices. Thornpaw, Wavepaw, Honeypaw, and Hailpaw were absolute nightmares. They always made a special point to call Silverpaw a she-cat, and teased and bullied him whenever they had the opportunity. More than once Silverpaw had awoken with thorns in his nest and burrs stuck in his fur that were always a pain to get out.

On the other hand, Rainpaw, and of course, Hawkpaw were always kind to him. The two toms always stood up for Silverpaw whenever they had the opportunity, but it didn't deter the bullies.

As for the rest of the clan, well, they were mixed. Not everyone was horrible to him, but most often gave him odd looks or glares, and Silverpaw was pretty sure it was no accident that someone was always bumping him to the side when he tried to get some fresh-kill. Well, such was his life in ThunderClan.

"I'm not sure who you're talking to, Wavepaw. The only she-cat I see around here is Honeypaw." Silverpaw retorted, continuing to groom himself.

Thornpaw approached Silverpaw, the other apprentices following closely. "Come on, Silverpaw. Lets go play outside, shall we?" The older, dark brown tom had a strange, dangerous glint in his eye. Wavepaw and Hailpaw were getting closer as well, but Honeypaw looked a bit nervous and muttered, "I'm... gonna go hunt. I'll see you guys later." The golden she-cat slipped away as the three toms continued their approach. Silverpaw tried backing away, but the toms were suddenly all around him, their pelts brushing.

"Come on, Silverpaw." Hailpaw smiled, though it was not pleasant. "You want to be a tom, don't you? Come play a game with us."

"No- I, Stop!" Silverpaw tried protesting, but he felt claws pressing in around him. Muzzles nudged him roughly away, towards the camp entrance. "Now, now, Silverpaw." Thornpaw shoved the silver tabby. "You don't want to do this the hard way, do you?"

"Fine," Silverpaw snarled. "I'll play your stupid game." He pushed past the three toms and stormed out of camp into the forest.

Then, Thornpaw was behind him, and Wavepaw and Hailpaw were on either side. "This way." Hailpaw growled, leading Silverpaw into a thicker part of the forest, away from camp.

Silverpaw felt a feeling of dread. "Where are we going?" He questioned, a sick feeling rising in his gut. _This isn't right... they're up to something!_

They reached a small clearing. Here, the forest was dark, and dense. The toms allowed Silverpaw to pad forward. Then the silver tabby whirled around. "Now, what's this stupid ga-"

Thornpaw smashed into Silverpaw's side. "Now!" He snarled. With smirks, Wavepaw and Hailpaw leaped forward and pinned Silverpaw to the ground, their claws digging into his sides. Thornpaw circled Silverpaw once. "Tsk. We're going to remind you of what you really are. A weak she-cat. I'd love to make you realize what you really are, Silverpaw. I may hate you, but you are quite pretty. Its a shame that you're so stubborn- well, we'll break that resolve, now, won't we?" Hailpaw and Wavepaw both nodded, chuckling darkly.

"What are you going to do to me? Rip me to shreds? Kill me? Go ahead." Silverpaw's voice shook, but he held an icy glare with Thornpaw.

The dark brown tabby surprised him as he drew his tongue over Silverpaw's forehead. "We're going to have fun with you, that's what."

Wavepaw whispered to Silverpaw. "You know, I don't think you're that bad. But if you're going to keep being such a fool, I'm not going to pass up on this opportunity."

Thornpaw slowly padded around until he was behind Silverpaw. "We're going to teach you your lesson, Silverpaw." And then he was pinning Silverpaw to the ground.

* * *

Silverpaw awoke with a shriek, heart racing. Hawkpaw snapped awake beside him. "Silverpaw! Its okay! You're awake!"

Silverpaw took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Ever since that first night, he was haunted by horrid nightmares of the three toms- who were warriors now.

Thornslash, Wavefall, and Hailclaw were all handsome, respected young warriors. Honeyfur, however, had started to avoid the trio ever since that time. They would try and talk to her, from time to time, but she always got nervous and got away as quickly as she could.

_She should be afraid of them. They're monsters._ Silverpaw dug his claws into his nest. Wavefall honestly wasn't quite so horrible; he didn't hurt her anymore like that one night. But... he was always there. _It doesn't make him any less of a horrible creature, but Thornslash is the worst of all. They... they all deserve to die._

"Silverpaw!" Hawkpaw sounded strained. "Look, you need to tell me what's going on with you." The dark brown tabby narrowed his eyes, which were clouded with frustration and worry. Silverpaw turned away. "Nothing. Nothing-"

"No, Silverpaw!" Hawkpaw insisted with a hiss. "You don't talk anymore, and you always wake up from these horrid dreams that you won't talk about, and, and, you just aren't the same! Please, talk to me! You're my brother, and I care about you!"

_You're my brother..._ Those words brought such relief to Silverpaw. It just... fit. The pronoun 'he' just applied to the young silver-tabby, and times like this reminded Silverpaw that he would not give up. Suddenly, Silverpaw snapped his head up, eyes blazing with determination. _They will pay... They will!_

"Silverpaw? Where are you going?" Hawkpaw looked up in confusion.

Silverpaw narrowed his eyes, his claws unsheathing. "There's something I need to do."

Silverpaw quickly left the den, leaving behind his bewildered brother. The silver tabby saw that Thornslash was alone, grooming his dark pelt.

"Thornslash," Silverpaw said quietly, coming closer to the dark tabby. This time, he made no attempt to deepen his voice, and it sounded out softly and feminine. He hated it, oh, how he hated it. But at his was the price of revenge.

The warrior looked up, eyes furrowed in confusion. Silverpaw smiled, and then rubbed his head along Thornslash's jaw. The dark tom stiffened in confusion, but slowly relaxed and without thinking, purred quietly. "Silverpaw...?"

"Oh, Thornslash, I've realized, you've been right all along... I'm such a fool for thinking myself anything but a she-cat." Silverpaw's words made himself want to throw himself off a cliff, but he continued, forcing himself to smile flirtatiously and purr. "All this time, everything you've done to me has been for my own good, hasn't it?"

Silverpaw seemed to be giving Thornslash exactly what he wanted. "Of course," he murmured, gently licking Silverpaw's forehead. "I'm so glad you've finally figured it out."

Silverpaw pressed himself closer, forcing down the urge to to turn and run. "Thornslash," he whispered, his tail twining with the warrior's, "I want to... I want to go back out to the forest with you. But this time, for real. I... I want to." He pressed his nose gently to Thornslash's ear, and he could almost feel the dark tom's will bending to him. He had Thornslash wrapped around his claw.

"You... you do?" Thornslash's lustful golden gaze met Silverpaw's cerulean. Silverpaw noddpurr forcing another purr. Thornslash smiled. "Come on, then."

_He doesn't suspect a thing... it's almost like... he's wanted this from me the entire time._

Thornslash led Silverpaw out of camp, and through the forest the same way that had been traveled too many times, but there was no dark smiles for forceful shoves. His pelt brushed against Silverpaw's gently.

And Silverpaw despised every moment of it. This monster that had used him so many times was too close... too close...

Thornslash stopped them in the all-too-familiar small clearing. He turned to Silverpaw. "Silverpaw..." He whispered, pressing closer, his tongue gently rasping his ear.

"Monster."

In a flash, Silverpaw swiped, slashing his outstretched claws down Thornslash's face. the tom let out a howl of pain and shock. Silverpaw shot forward, his forepaws slamming into the warrior's chest, knocking him dot the earth.

"It looks like the tables are turned, Thornslash." Silverpaw hissed bitterly, his claws digging into the dark tom's flesh, far too close to his throat.

Thornslash was obviously panicking, but there was even hurt in his eyes. "Silverpaw... you don't understand!"

"Talk fast, you horrible piece of fox-dung."

"Silverpaw, I always thought... that you were beautiful. Your soft fur, your lovely blue eyes, your gentle voice. But you refused to ever be what you were meant, and I-I loved you, and I didn't know what to do, so I forced you... I thought I could remind you what you really were... and that somehow you would forgive me... but you kept refusing... I was so happy when you said you understood... that you're truly a lovely she-" Thornslash was cut off with a choke.

"You shut your filthy, horrid jaws, scum. You- you used me, _raped_ me. I will never forgive you for what you've done to me. And I won't give you the chance to ever do it again." Silverpaw's eyes hardened. "Goodbye, Thornslash."

His claws tore through Thornslash's throat... again... and again... and again... he kept shredding his enemy's flesh to ribbons.

Then the red gaze that had clouded his judgement began to clear. Silverpaw shook his head, trying to calm down. Then he looked down, and almost vomited. The mangled body was so disturbing, it couldn't have been Silverpaw who landed all those blows... backed away from the corpse of Thornslash and ran blindly into the forest.

* * *

**Dark chapter, neh? I feel bad for my poor characters. I torment them too much... ah, well, lets just say poor Silverpaw's troubles are far from over.**

**If there are any really weird typos I missed, it's because I wrote the last part of this on my iPod and autocorrect keeps replacing words with really weird random things and not actually fixing real typos... *thanks, autocorrect.**

***Damn you.**


	3. Skystar

**I've changed the rating to M, as some of you agreed that I should. It just gets darker from here as it is.**

**Thanks for all the support the story has :D! I'm glad everyone who's reviewed so far likes it :).**

**Well, Thornslash is dead. I wonder how this turn of events will influence poor Silverpaw's life?**

* * *

Silverpaw sat numbly in camp as the magled body of his enemy was dragged into camp. When the warrior had gone missing for two days, the clan was frantic to find their oh-so-beloved warrior. Silverpaw looked away, unable to look at the cat he had brutally killed.

Wails filled the air as many cats gazed upon the corpse of Thornslash. Wavefall and Hailclaw stared in horror, then enchanged a glance.

_They know_, Silverpaw thought, his pelt rising in fear.

Skystar padded from his den and stared at Thornslash's body in surprise, then lowered his head. "This is a horrible misfortune. All of ThunderClan will grieve for the loss of our brave, noble warrior."

_Noble, my tail! He wouldn't know honor if it fell out of a tree and hit him on the nose!_

A russet tom called Redstreak narrowed his eyes and growled at Skystar. "There is one other thing. There was a cat's scent all around the place he died."

Skystar raised his head. "Did you identify it?"

"Oh, yes."

"Then who? Tell me!"

"Well, there were some stale scents of Wavefall and Hailclaw. It seemed they traveled to that spot often. But the freshest?"

Silverpaw froze in his place, mortified.

"That would be Silverpaw."

Yowls of shock and rage filled the air, replacing the wails and moans of distress. The Clan turned on the silver apprentice, all yelling accusations.

"Murderer!"

"Traitor!"

"Horrible scum!"

"How could you?!"

Hawkpaw ran from the crowd and stood in front of his brother, facing the rest of the clan. "Stop!" He cried. "I'm sure Silverpaw has an explanation!"

Graywind too came forth to defend his kit. "I'm sure Silverpaw didn't have anything to do with Thornslash's death! My da- my son wouldn't have killed any cat!"

Silverpaw noticed Hailclaw and Wavefall were both wearing terrified looks, and their stares begged Silverpaw for his mercy. Honeyleaf only looked solemn, and gave Silverpaw a nod of encouragement, to his surprise.

_She wants it to end. All of the lies- she wants it to be over as well._

And so, with determinination, Silverpaw raised his head against the whole of his clan. "Thornslash was no honourable warrior. He, along with Wavefall and Hailclaw, yes, your most cherished, beloved cats, would take me out to the forest in the very spot where he died to force me to mate with them. Eventually Wavefall didn't, but he was always there, making me stay. You may think these are wonderful cats- but they are monsters. All of them. I killed Thornslash so that he could never take advantage of me again." Silverpaw's words echoed through the now silent camp.

The clan was mixed. Mosy shouted out and accused Silverpaw of being a liar as well as a killer, but some murmured to one another, as though considering whether or not to believe him. Hailclaw glared at the apprentice, fury written plain on his features, but Wavefall only bowed his head in shame.

Then Honeyleaf stood, and raised her voice above the others. "Silverpaw speaks the truth." Many looked at her, bewildered. The golden she-cat continued, nervously, "I was once friends with them. We... used to bully her. Although I have stopped, it is something I will never forgive myself for. I stopped... when they, Thornslash, really, told me what they were going to do."

"'Teach her that she's a she-cat,' he told me. 'We'll show her.' His smile was sickening. We were only apprentices then... I followed them because I didn't want to be tormented. But then, when they led her to the forest... I knew I couldn't stay on their side. They took it too far, and I never said anything for the fear that they would punish me the same way the did Silverpaw." Honeyfern closed her eyes, flattening her ears. Guilt rolled off the she-cat in waves of emotion.

The camp was heavy with stunned silence.

Hawkpaw whispered to Silverpaw, trembling. "He... he did that to you? I'm so, so sorry... I don't know how to even..." his voice trailed off.

Skystar looked to his deputy, Moonflash. "We will discuss this in my den with Redstreak, Honeyleaf, Flintstrike, Wavefall, Hailclaw, and Silverpaw."

Redstreak and Flintsrike, who had found Thornslash's body, nodded and followed. Hailclaw furiously stormed towards the ThunderClan leader, while Wavefall's tail dragged along on the ground. Honeyleaf walked beside Silverpaw, her green eyes dull.

"I know I can never make it up to you, Silverpaw. But I am truly sorry. I was foolish, and I was secretly scared of Thornslash especially." Honeyleaf murmured, her tail flicking.

Silverpaw didn't reply. He just nodded numbly and padded into the den.

Skystar sat in the back of his den, his thick white pelt ruffled. "Redstreak, what do you think?"

The russet tom flicked his tail. "Well, if Honeyleaf can vouch for Silverpaw, I'll believe him. And anyway, why would he kill Thornslash if he didn't have a reason?"

R_edstreak... called me 'he'? Someone _actually_ respects me?_ Silverpaw felt a glimmer of hope.

Wavefall whispered hoarsely. "It's true... all of it." Hailclaw sent the blue-gray tom a glare.

Skystar stared at the two warriors levelly, his gaze unreadable. "Moonflash, find a place to keep these two... troublemakers. The rest of you are dismissed, other than Silverpaw. I must speak with her privately."

_Troublemakers? Are you _serious?_ That's it?!_ Silverpaw's claws unsheathed and dug into the earth in frustration. Moonflash gave Hailclaw a rough shove, and those dismissed exited.

Silverpaw was now alone with Skystar.

"Did you really think that killing Thornslash was going to make anything better for you?"

What?

"I-" Silverpaw stared at Skystar in confusion. The white tom was smiling dangerously. "You foolish, foolish kit."

Silverpaw started to back away, but Skystar let out a low growl. "Don't you dare, you piece of filth."

Swift as a snake, the ThunderClan leader moved closer and pulled Silverpaw's chin up with a hooked claw, forcing the apprentice to stare into his eyes. "Listen, you sorry excuse for a cat. You are nothing, understood? And did you really think Thornslash thought up his little plan all on his own?"

"What are you...?" Silverpaw stared at his leader in confusion.

Then understanding dawned on him, and Silverpaw felt sick to his stomach.

Skystar smiled sickeningly. "Yes, Silverpaw. _I _told Thornslash what to do. He brought Wavefall and Hailclaw into it, and by the looks on their faces I assume he took credit for the idea. But seeing as you're still a stubborn little fool, well, I'll have to teach you from now on."

Silverpaw felt an impending sense of doom. _My life is never going to get better. No matter what I do... someone will always hurt me._

* * *

_Rainstorm's POV_

Rainstorm stuck his head into the apprentice's den, and spotted Silverpaw crouched in the back. He smiled and padded in, but froze when Silverpaw glanced up and let out a cry of fear. The silver tabby skittered backwards, trembling. "Don't hurt me..." He whimpered.

The thick-pelted gray tom studied the apprentice for a moment. Silverpaw was frail, his coat had lost the lovely shine that it used to have. Ribs were easily visible from beneath his pelt. His eyes were mad with terror.

Rainstorm murmured gently. "Hey, its me. Rainstorm. Your friend. You poor thing... you look starved... I'm not going to hurt you, Silverpaw."

Silverpaw's eyes seemed to clear a bit as he recognized the gray tom. "Rainstorm...?"

He stepped closer. "Yes, that's right. Come on, let's go for a walk. You need to get out of camp."

Silverpaw hesitated. Rainstorm could hear him whispering to himself. "If he wants to hurt me, I can't stop him, anyway." Silverpaw crept closer. Rainstorm smiled. "Come on. Have you ever seen the lake at night?"

Silverpaw shook his head. "N-no..."

Rainstorm gently nudged Silverpaw to his paws. "Come on, then. Its about time you did."

It was hard to get Silverpaw to go. The silver tabby did leave the den, following Rainstorm, but once they were outside of camp, every noise sent him flinching or jumping in fear. Rainstorm wanted to comfort him, but even a tail laid on Silverpaw's shoulder spooked him. _What exactly has been happening to him since Thornslash died? Is he really that scarred from it, or is it something else?_

"Okay, close your eyes. I'll lead you from here." Rainstorm glanced at Silverpaw. The silver tabby, trembling, did as told. _Oh, Silverpaw, why don't you trust me?_

Rainstorm padded next to Silverpaw, their pelts brushing slightly. The apprentice bristled, but didn't leap away.

"We're here. You can open them now."

Silverpaw's blue eyes opened, then widened as he took in the scene. "Whoa..."

The lake was dark, but the surface reflected all of Silverpelt and the near-full moon overhead. The moon and stars cast a cold glow over the clear water. It was beautiful, and the water was still, leaving the reflection undisturbed.

Silverpaw sat and gazed out over the lake, an air of peace seeming to come over him. Rainstorm smiled and sat beside him. "It's lovely, isn't it?" Silverpaw nodded and smiled.

Rainstorm, despite the amazing view, founs himself unable to tear his eyes away from Silverpaw. Under the moonlight, the silver tabby was simply mesmerizing.

The gray tom felt himself thinking of the questions he often wondered about, regarding Silverpaw.

_Well, since Silverpaw wants to be a tom, does he like she-cats? Or does he still like toms? How is everyone else treating him when I'm not around? Why doesn't he trust me anymore? Does he think everyone is out to get him?_

And then there was the one that always made his ears flush bright red. _How do I feel about Silverpaw?_

Rainstorm gazed at the silver tabby. He allowed himself another question. _Am I in love with Silverpaw?_

It was the first question he had the answer to.

_Yes._

Rainstorm slid closer, pressing his pelt against Silverpaw's. "It sure is cold out, isn't it?"

Silverpaw's eyes widened, and he bristled slightly. The apprentice flinched, but Rainstorm pressed closer. _I'm not like Thornslash. Please, please, trust me. I don't want to hurt you._

After a long silence, the apprentice relaxed slightly. He even seemed to lean closer. "Yeah," he murmured, gazing back out at the lake.

Rainstorm broke into a huge smile.

Silverpaw glanced at him, a twinkle of amusement in his blue gaze. "What are you smiling at, mouse-brain?"

There was the old Silverpaw. Rainstorm replied without hesitation. "You."

Silverpaw's ear-tips turned red as he looked embarrassed. "O-oh."

There was another silence before Silverpaw leaned more against the gray warrior. "It is kinda cold. You're nice and warm, though."

Rainstorm purred and leaned his head against Silverpaw's.

They both seemed to be ignoring the fact that it was a warm Greenleaf night.


	4. Ashstar

**Thank you guys all SO MUCH for all of your wonderful reviews! This is my first story that's broken 40 reviews :D! Honestly, I didn't expect so much support for this story. **

**Poppywhisker: Thank you so much! Yeah, trans* cats are a little odd, but I thought I'd try it out anyway XD.**

**Owlwhisker: Well, not really. Males are just as capable of being raped as females.**

**Scarletpool- Silverpaw was born a she-cat, but perceives himself as a tom :)**

**Wish Upon A Warrior Cat: I like this plan. Lets do it!**

**Leviathan48****: Welp, here you go!**

**Siennablaze: Did I 0-0? If so, it was on accident, heh. Her name should be Honeyleaf :D**

**uncomfortablebuffalo: Awesome! I'm glad you like this! Yeah, that was kind of a twist I wasn't planning XD. Sometimes I just sort of go into my 'writing mode' and I'm not even sure where half of the stuff I'm typing is coming from.**

**Sorry that it took me so long to update, I went on vacation for a couple of weeks and before then was emotionally sucker-punched. I'm still kinda feeling down, but I doubt that's gonna go away for awhile.**

**Ugh. I was _so close_ to finishing the chapter when half of it got deleted. Grr.**

**Enough of author's notes! Time for Silverpaw!**

* * *

"What can you scent, Silverpaw?" Falconstrike, Silverpaw's mentor, turned to him and nodded encouragingly.

The silver tabby parted his jaws and tasted the air for a long moment. They were currently by the ShadowClan border, along with Hawkpaw and his mentor, Furzetail. Skystar was with the patrol as well, much to Silverpaw's discomfort. He tried to stay as far away from the large, ragged white tom as possible.

"A hint of fox- but quite stale, and I think its blowing in from ShadowClan's side. Some mouse, back from where we came... er, and faint ShadowClan scent." Silverpaw blinked and looked at Falconstrike. The tall gray tom smiled. "Well done. It seems ShadowClan hasn't refreshed their border in awhile, but I can smell them heading this way. There's no point in turning back, they'll probably just confront us anyway."

"Let them," snarled Skystar. "I'd love to rip some of their mangy pelts."

Furzetail nodded, as though he shared his leader's views on ShadowClan, but Falconstrike looked worried. Silverpaw silently agreed. _You idiot. You'll just get us killed. Not that it would make a difference, you piece of dung._ Silverpaw loathed the ThunderClan leader with all of his being, due to the horrible things that he did to him. Silverpaw shuddered and pushed that thought away. Just the thought of him made him feel nauseous.

As predicted, five ShadowClan warriors were swiftly running towards the border. "Skystar!" Came a snarl from a lithe gray tom who seemed to be leading the patrol. "I might have suspected you'd be skulking around by my border."

"Ashstar," Skystar let out a dry chuckle. "How pleasant to see you."

"Yes, how _is _the prey running?" Ashstar cast a long look at Silverpaw, eyes widening. "Do you _abuse_ your apprentices? Look how scrawny she is! And why so many claw-marks? Skystar, the noble leader." He hissed contemptuously.

"Of course not," Skystar hissed, though his eyes flashed. He shot Silverpaw an icy glare. If looks could kill, Silverpaw would be in StarClan.

_Yes, yes he does, so much, help me, _ Silverpaw thought, staring at Ashstar with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Too afraid to let her speak for herself?" Ashstar took a step forward.

_I don't even care if you refuse to call me a tom, just take me away from all this, please._

Skystar let out a low growl. "Go home, Ashstar."

The gray tom obviously was not about to be ignored. He looked to Silverpaw, nodding. "Speak. Why do you look so starved, so beaten?"

"I-" Silverpaw squeaked, then let out a low whimper. "Please, just help me."

Skystar let out an enraged snarl. "Shut it, you worthless kit!"

Ashstar smiled wryly. "Thanks for confirming. Now, let me take her off your _capable _paws." He flicked his tail, and his four warriors slowly started to move forward.

"Never!" Skystar roared, unsheathing his claws.

The gray ShadowClan leader tipped his head to the side slightly. "Why do you care, if she is as useless as you say? You obviously don't care about her, so let me have her. Or do we really need to fight this out? You're outnumbered, seeing as your apprentice wants our help."

After a long moment of silence, Skystar surprised everyone by hissing, "Fine. Get out of here, you filth, before I change my mind and just kill you here."

Hawkpaw took a step towards Silverpaw. "Please, don't! I'll miss you! I can't lose my brother!"

_Hawkpaw... my brother..._ Silverpaw felt his heart wrench. "I'm sorry, Hawkpaw. I-I want this."

"What about Rainstorm? He loves you, you know."

Silverpaw felt anguish at the thought of losing the gray warrior. "I can't... I'm not safe in ThunderClan. Tell him... tell him I'm sorry. I'll miss you so much, Hawkpaw. We're best friends, right? Promise?"

And as he had promised moons ago, Hawkpaw murmured, "I promise."

Silverpaw quickly licked his ear and hurried to join Ashstar and the ShadowClan patrol. _What am I doing? I can't go back... not now. Skystar wasn't joking when he said we would kill me... and I don't ever want to be near him again._

As they headed away from everything Silverpaw had known, the patrol formed a loose circle around Silverpaw, with Ashstar on his left. "What's your name?" He asked, with a friendly blink.

"I'm Silverpaw," He mewed, and then, raising his head slightly and with a tone of determination, he added. "I'm a tom."

Ashstar blinked. "You... uh. Alright, we can talk about it later." Ashstar offered him a smile, and it was not like the dangerous crooked ones that Skystar wore, but much like the kind ones of Rainstorm. Silverpaw felt warm knowing that not every cat was like Thornslash or Skystar. "What did they do to you?" He asked, eyes hardening. "Did they hurt you because you... want to be called a tom?"

Silverpaw nodded silently.

Ashstar let out a little growl, muttering to himself. Then, looking furious, he spoke. "Jaytooth, Harewing, come with me. We'll go on ahead to camp. Snowbreeze and Squirreltail, you can continue leading Silverpaw to camp." Jaytooth, a blue-gray tom, and Harewing, a pale brown she-cat, nodded, and they sped away with their leader.

Squirreltail, a ginger she-cat, and Snowbreeze, a long-furred whiter she-cat, smiled kindly at Silverpaw. "Ashstar is a noble cat," Snowbreeze purred. "He stand up for everyone, regardless of where they came from. Why, I was once a loner, though I fell ill to Greencough. He brought me back to camp and Beetlestorm, our medicine cat, healed me. I've been here ever since."

Squirreltail jumped in. "I can only imagine the tales you've heard about ShadowClan, but we aren't bad at all."

Silverpaw let out a little purr. _Today has certainly proved that._

* * *

As they entered the ShadowClan camp, Silverpaw was surprised by how... similar it was. Of course, it was very different. The dens all appeared to be bramble thickets, the forest was pine rather than oak, and just seemed more dense and shadowy. It fit, seeing as ShadowClan resided here.

But what was similar was the mannerisms of the clan. A cluster of apprentices chattered over a shared thrush near a clump of ferns, a pair of queens shared tongues in a patch of sunlight, while their kits scampered playfully by a trio of elders who chuckled at their antics.

Ashstar was sitting in the center of camp, talking quietly to a large blue-gray tom. As he spotted Silverpaw, Squirreltail, and Snowbreeze, he smiled and said something to the tom, who nodded and hurried over to the trio. "Silverpaw, right? I'm Beetlestorm, ShadowClan's medicine cat. Come with me, I'll just check you up real quick." His voice was deep, but friendly, and his eyes had a glimmer of humor in them. Silverpaw decided immediately that he liked the tom.

Beetlestorm led Silverpaw over to a bramble thicket that had a hollowed-out, sandy floor covered in pine needles. The medicine cat sniffed at some of the scratches along his back. "Not too deep, don't smell rotten, they should be fine. Just little scratches. Do you feel ill; feverish, or nauseous?"

Silverpaw shook his head, smiling a little. "No, I think I'm okay."

Beeltlestorm nodded. "That's good. I'm glad. Now, you're quite scrawny and weak. Now- don't protest, you need to eat up if you want to be strong. I'm sure you think you're strong now, but you're just skin and bones. You'll need a lot of food so we can put some meat on your bones." He stuck his head out of the den, and called. "Fuzzypaw, come here!"

A young she-cat with a messy gray pelt, fur sticking out at every angle, scampered over. "Yes, Beetlestorm?"

"Fetch Silverpaw here some prey, a good, fat squirrel or bird. After s- he is finished eating, you can led Silverpaw to Ashstar's den. Don't pester Silverpaw too much, you hear?"

_Ashstar actually told Beetlestorm I said I was a tom? _Silverpaw was appalled. ShadowClan was certainly much different from ThunderClan, that was for sure.

Fuzzypaw blinked, looking a bit puzzled about the 'he', but nodded and smiled at Silverpaw. "Come on, I'll show you to the fresh-kill pile." She turned and padded toward a small pile of prey, leading Silverpaw behind her. "So... what made you come here?" Fuzzypaw asked, as she sorted through the small pile, searching for a good piece of fresh-kill. She plucked out a fat pigeon, and dropped it at Silverpaw's paws.

"Oh... um. I, I'm a tom. But they don't listen to me, they hurt me. A lot." Silverpaw flattened his ears, not wanting to talk about what Thornslash and Skystar had done to him.

"You're...?" Fuzzypaw blinked, tilting her head to the side, obviously confused. "I thought you were a she-cat."

_Please, don't be like them..._ "Well, I'm not. StarClan must've made some mistake. I know I'm a tom."

Fuzzypaw was quiet for a moment. "Okay," she meowed.

"Really?" Silverpaw was surprised at her easy agreement.

"Well, I might not really get it, but it's not my place to judge, right?" Fuzzypaw smiled.

_Thank StarClan. Maybe things really can get better._ "Do you want some of this? I doubt I can finish it all." Silverpaw mewed, despite the pang of hunger in his belly, he was reluctant to eat the whole thing in front of the ShadowClan apprentice.

"Sure," Fuzzypaw purred, and bent down to take a bite.

The two apprentices shared the bird, Silverpaw feeling a wave of calm and hope. _I can start over here, and it won't be so bad._


End file.
